Every relationship has its problems. Often people come from different backgrounds, and have different opinions and beliefs. While some relationships will thrive on these differences, they may lead to conflict or even cause a relationship to break up.

There may be obvious reasons why a relationship breaks up. These can include:

• an abusive relationship – if a partner is being physically, emotionally or sexually abused or there is fear of abuse or violence;
• the relationship is unequal, with one person exerting more power over the other – this may be financially, emotionally, sexually or otherwise;
• a partner has been unfaithful and there is no chance the other partner will trust them again;
• The relationship is destructive – it causes a partner to fight with family or friends, or participate in unhealthy or risky behaviours.
• Sometimes a relationship will break up and there may not be an obvious reason and no one might be at fault. These include:
• the relationship is no longer loving or happy;
• a partner wants to be single;
• there are no common goals or interests;
• different beliefs, opinions or habits become unbearable for a partner;
• a partner doesn’t feel comfortable or cant be themselves;
• the couple have grown apart.

The end of a relationship is often very difficult regardless of whether breaking up was the best thing to do or whether it was your decision or not.

A relationship break up may come as a complete shock or it might have obviously been coming for a while. Either way breaking up can be a difficult experience.

Breaking up might be associated with feelings of:

• anger at yourself or your partner;
• sadness that the relationship has ended;
• disappointment that things didn’t work out as planned;
• guilt over actions or words;
• fear about what the future holds;
• confusion over what has happened;
• relief to be leaving an unhappy relationship or various other emotions.

Despite the feelings you might have, in time things will get better. The sooner there is acceptance that the relationship is over the sooner you will start to get on with your life again.

Getting over a relationship can be difficult, but there are some things that can help:

• allowing time to get over the breakup;
• let your feelings out;
• distract yourself and keep busy with new (or old) interests, physical activity, social events, travel;
• surround yourself with close friends;
• relax;
• talk to someone about how you’re feeling;
• stop thinking about the past and start looking ahead.

For further information visit Relate NI at www.relateni.org